april fools' day 2002 gammoning you again
Ahh, for the sixth spring in a row, April Fools' Day has come and gone, leaving a bitter taste in the mouths of some Tool fans, an unsatisfied snarl on the face of the more cynical, and a better understanding of why one should heed the oxymoronic advice of Tool to "think for yourself."
So without further delay, let us delve into what happened on the First, as this site (not the band, don't blame them for my chicanery) brought you another day of Foolishness ...
The Original Posting
[04/01/02] - New live EP!
Well, they've done it again. At the band's request, no rumors about this have been posted here until now, but it is now confirmed through the label: a new live EP is being released tomorrow alongside all the other (less interesting) new releases of the week! Here's a snip from the press release (it's late and I can't retype this fax up, I've been flying all day) ...
"Tool are proud to present 'Gammon' -- an EP (though it is 69 minutes long) of never-before-available material this week! Seven tracks from the fall 2001 tour have been lovingly produced by longtime Tool (and King Crimson) collaborator David Bottrill, and are scheduled to rip through listener's ears tomorrow! The band states 'we didn't want word of this getting out early because of all the bootlegging that goes on online ... we didn't even tell our mothers about it. When we released 'Salival' [their last live EP], people were spreading rumors about it for months!' But this time, as evidenced by the lack of information available in the press and on websites, it appears Tool have succeeded once again in maintaining their control over their material! The beautifully-packaged EP will be on sale tomorrow, but as a special promotion, all Tower Records, HMV, and Virgin Music stores in the US and Europe will be selling the $14.99 'Gammon' for $3.99 for one hour only beginning 11:59 PM, Monday night April 1st!"
Like the release of "Lateralus" wasn't secretive enough. Hope you can all make it to the store tonight to pick up "Gammon"; the one track I was lucky enough to hear (I can't say which, but you already know which one it is) sounds more amazing than I had imagined. It is so like Tool to go and do something like this right as soon as a new month starts, isn't it? §
As it was in previous years, this prank also was dreamt up late in the day -- only after I landed back in Los Angeles (yes I was really flying all day). It was convenient to stage a midnight sale, since the 1st was a Monday and new releases in the USA come out on Tuesdays. The deal was sealed with the title, "Gammon", which most of you figured out means "to mislead deceptively." And just in case you weren't up on your vocabulary, the last sentence up there seemed like a dead giveaway.
Even-numbered years have yielded the less effective pranks here at toolshed (you all remember a Bus Crash and "Floorpail" and Danny Leaves Tool, all of which were odd-numbered years -- even I don't remember the other ones without looking), so I wasn't counting on it being too big a winner.
Sure enough, as the first emails came in, nobody was taken in, everyone could see through the story plain as day. In deference to the aftermath of the 1997 Bus Crash, I purposely made sure to give the game away as obviously as possible while still causing a little madness.
So consider this your warning - future April gags may not be tipped off as easily as this one.
But as the 1st wore on, more and more people fell for it, having a moment of adrenalized excitement before suddenly putting it all together. To me, that's the goal: you fall for it, you realize, you laugh. But there are always a few people who go above and beyond...
... so here are a bunch of the emails I got about "Gammon", posted anonymously as always. I left out a lot which said the same thing, but here you'll see some people who thought it wasn't funny, some who thought it wasn't opaque enough, some who got scared, and a few people who went to the store and were nice enough to write in with their stories.
1. Overall Comments
For the 30 seconds or so I believe it, I was very very excited. As always, nice april fools prank. Kabir, you never cease to amaze me. We've all known and look forward to April Fools comments on The Tool Page. And you know what, I almost bought that HOOK LINE AND SINKER!!! For a split second I almost thought of travelling out to Tower Records Like every year, it's either a hit or miss. I hate to say this but... miss. Maybe next year (when I am not expecting it). Beautiful! You totally would have gotten me if i hadn't been reminded of April Fool's earlier today. Not too subtle, but probably subtle enough to make a lot of people disappointed when they learn the truth. Happy April Fools, Kabir. Nice and subtle this year, despite the hints. I don't think any of us that were around for the bus wreck will ever fall for an April Fools joke again. Keep up the good work. Sorry, you didn't fool me this time. You got me the last couple of years but I specifically logged on today expecting something. Anyway, it did bring a smile to my face. nice try, you almost had me going for a few seconds, then I realized it was April 1st, April Fools Day. Where the gullible hunted like weak antelope and made to feel stupid. This day to the weak minded is like Valentine's Day for the single or Christmas to the lonely. There should be a holliday to pick on everyone's flaws. Hee hee hee! I actually fell for it AGAIN until I read "It is so like Tool to go and do something like this right as soon as a new month starts, isn't it?" Well done! Thanks, you're more regular than my big sister with these jokes. I'm one of the lucky people out there who was fortunate enough to be born on April 1st, so your jokes are becoming a kind of birthday ritual for me! They're usually good for a giggle... (apart from that 1997 one, which nearly fucking killed me, considering I had tickets for the April 5th Auckland show....) i have my own connections to tool, as i live in the same area as that maynard guy. he gave me the list of tracks. 1. a. hardy b. fuckin harhar 2. good one 3. jerk off and of course the hidden track (so hidden that it doesnt exist), an anthrax cover: EKOJSLOOFLIRPANIKCUFESIN So I spend the whole night at work playing practical jokes on my co-workers and customers. I get home from work and check your page (my morning ritual) and almost soil my drawers when I see that a new live ep is coming out. After running through the house screaming for a while I stop and think about how funny last years "Danny's Leaving" joke was, and how I sowre not to be caught off gaurd again. Damn short term memory, or maybe just wishful thinking. Nice try....but a bus accident would have been more realistic. I do like the touch on getting the CD on sale if you get there early. I might just go down to my Virgin Megastore to laugh at any of the suckers. i always enjoy your april fools prank....a 69 minute EP lol...it has been more believable in the past though with the accident....its good to see that you're not a tight-ass.. "Gammon" - This is quite possibly the most evil Arpil Fool's Day trick you've pulled to date. heheheheheheh... i checked three musicstore-sites before i remembered the date! nice one man, you put a smile on the face of a person studying to hard for a test tomorrow nice try, but not this year. Dude, Gammon... funny shit man, i was just about to call my record shop when i relized what day it was. I could hardly believe its been a year since you scared the shit out of me with Danny Carey leaving the band. My hat goes off to, my good man. hA! Nice try akhtar, but you've got to get up pretty early in the morning... Was it your idea? Gammon...! I am a hardcore subscriber to Merriam-Webster online, I know what it means. nice try buddy!!! i know you're going to get a bunch of people on this one, but not me pal... i know it's april fools day. Good one though, if I wasn't checking the news on toolshed to see what you had planned for april fools i might have fallen for it. How is the band releasing an EP?? Didtn they die in a bus crash like 6 years ago?? Nice to see you still put yourself out there for the abuse.... This site has been my browsers home page for the like the last 4 years and this was the best April fools so far. It wasn't scary like the fake accident reports, it is a horrible tease! It really isn't fair to get people excited about a new release. dude! I hate you! freakin' april fools jokes!!! a live tool ep would be sooooo cool too... I hate you!!! (not really) Wow I was so excited about the new EP I went out and wrecked my tour bus in Australia! You clever little boy. You know, I'm almost tempted to drive out to my local Tower tonight and see if anyone actually shows up to ask for a new Tool record. But I don't know if watching the fools just makes me a bigger fool, or what. And, of course, I may crash my bus on the way there. =) In any case, thanks for the annual laugh; I hope it grabs some people. Happy April Fools' day to you, too, Kabir. how dare you lie about such a thing!!! I know its April fools day but that was uncalled for!!! I called Virgin and Tower and they all said that they don't have it listed as a new release...the dont even have it listed. But I wanted to be sure so I already aranged a ride to the record store and call work so i could leave early today to get there in time for the $3.99 sale. I should have known better...you are a very evil person...hahaha...but serves us right. But that would be such a cool thing for the band to do...not tell anyone about a new live EP untell the day of the release! Only in your dreams. nice try. danny leaving the band last year raped all chances of being tricked by you (or anybody) from me. though i have to give it to you: imagining all of the people that will be at their local music dispatcher tomorrow (even better, at midnight tonight) going apeshit because the employee has no fucking clue what theyre talking about is going to be most amusing. bravo to you on that kabir. Can't wait to hear some of the stories you get from this one...I outta drive by the local record store and see if anyone is lined up at midnight. Keep up the good work :). Don't you think the last line, "..beginning of a new month," gave it away a bit too much though? Where has your mean streak gone? YOU BASTARD! I FELL FOR IT FOR A MINUTE... Quit exploiting the weakminded and the gullible... You need to take a break from your april fools jokes. When I got home yesterday the first thing I wondered was what is Kabirs April Fools joke this year. Last year I beleved that Danny was gone and thought that the loss was tragic, but now, your april fools jokes are expected. Anyone who was dumb enough to go to the record stores on Tuesday at midnight should be shot for not figuring it out. Especially since they had time to see the date, get in their car and drive all the way to the record store to figure it out. It must get harder and harder to come up with new April Fools pranks each year. I like this one; somewhat plausible, but just ridiculous enough ($3.99 for one hour only--without any advertising ahead of time? Why would they use a marketing ploy like that unless they were going to garner some media attention with it?) to be funny. Nice work. I can only assume this is your annual April's Fool Joke. Damn, I hate getting so worked up only to be disappointed when my brain finally kicks in to remind me it's April 1st, and of course this is toolshed.down that I'm dealing with. It's not fair to take advantage of my early morning drowsiness, I was about to start calling all of my friends! Good one though, I'm amazed you still get me every year... bastard. =) i think you've gammoned us, you fuckers, very creative april fools day joke. you should probably tell everyone to look up the meaning of "gammon" OHMYGAWD! I just came in my pants! And I'm at work! A live CD - what an awesome suprise!!!! Nice one, Kabir. Though you didn't get me this year (you totally reeled me in last year) it was enjoyable read and made a great Monday laugh! Kabir, how many times do you think you will "fool" us regulars on April 1st. Now the thing about Danny last year truly did get me, but this year its not happening!!!! Enjoy the letters you get from fans that are gullible and filled with false enthusiasm!! Nice try Kabir, but as soon as I read the post, I knew to check the date it was posted on. Come on, do you really think something like this could be kept secret that long? And are we to believe that there would be no mention of it on the official site? Nice try Kabir, but nowhere near as good as last years. finaly after four years of being duped by your scheming, i will not , i repeat, WILL NOT go to Virgin tonite..bc THERE IS NO GAMMON...last year danny left the band, then there was the infamous bus accident, im not fallin into your hands again Kabir..oh no, not this time... Well, I gotta hand it to ya, you had me going for about one minute and twenty seconds. I'm glad somebody's keepin it twisted. wow, this years joke sucks man. or maybe i just think it sucks because i know it's a joke. the last few years you had me going for at least a few minutes.... I was a little dissapointed with this year's April Fool's joke. It would have benn more believable if it wasn't coming out tonight. hahaha.. you cocksmoker... i caught the last bagillion 4/1 jokes but this one had my heart stop... I was about to pick up the phone and call the manager of my local store... then I realized 'if its too good to be true...' The logistics of releasing an album like that are obsurd --although if anyone could do it, it'd be Tool. You know, the sad part is I'm going to go check tommorow, anyway... :( I'm addicted to my Tool :( wow every year i promise myself you won't get me but i am so wrong. you almost had be driving 250 miles to Atlanta to go to tower records. after sitting here calculating driving time and stuff i realized what today was. damn Kabir.... you sly sly dog you. God damn it, I have read all your April Fools pranks before, and still fell for this one for almost 10 minutes. I am wondering if maybe I am retarded. I think this was probably the most convincing one yet but maybe just because of my wishful thinking. Didn't fool me today. I was on guard. I'm afraid only this news will fool the newbies.. I'm glad I checked here today of all days to see about Gammon. I always find out about the April Fool's joke the next day or so. I have to say, you had me until the beginning of the month reference at the bottom -- perhaps that was your intention. Anyway, I've been a dick and spread the false news to my friends so we'll see if that works As I was reading, I started making plans to wait till midnight at the local HMV. It took your last sentence to wake me up. This was a really nice one. You maintained an aura of innocence throughout, which made it believable. How do you come up with these??? Juuuuuuuuust couldn't leave well enough alone, could ya'? This one reeks of originality and thought, though. The vast majority of people who don't know your style are gonna eat this up. I may actually watch M(oron)TV today to see if they pick this one up too. Kudos, eh'. that was weak, akhtar. very weak. good job on the joke this year, athough for me it wasnt as convincing as some of the previous ones, but then again i was aware today was april fool's day...hopefully you still got a few ppl with it though I think you are a piece of shit for getting me excited about a new tool release, if you were any kind of tool fan you wouldn't release fake information to excite the real fans. thanks for publishing fake news dickhead. I just got my copy of Gammon (I have a source at the local HMV). I *LOVE* the first track, "Sucker", athough the third track "Deception", which leads right into the fourth track "Chicanery" comes in a close second. I'm glad they were able to release the EP before the band breaks up because Danny is leaving for a solo project. O.K. I admit I was almost fooled again this year... Dude you broke my heart today I got so siked about this "surprise release" only to relize the date... Love the sit Kabir but man the April Fools thing has gotta stop, I rearanged my life to go to the "phantom release" tonight only for it to occur to me at 6:30 P.M. (no need to take this too seriously, I just had to bitch my frustration of there not really being a release, good one man).... you are getting quite predictible with the april fools stuff. come on.. you had all year to think up something. I checked the news today to see what the new cd was gonna be called. danny leaving the band was much better. or the year before when the new tool album was an anagram for april fools. how about the whole band crashing on an airplane right after they decided to break up for next year. :) I called the 2 Tower Records in Nashville and they had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned the new Tool album. They didn't even have it on record. I assume this must be an April Fool's joke. Okay, so I saw my first Tool show in 1993 and have been OGT ever since, and even I, yes the most arrogant Toolhead, fell for your April Fools joke for right around three to four minutes as my girlfriend and I were yelling excitedly. Then I realized....April 1st and that DAMNED Kabir. Well anyway, good one dude, I'm going to go get on a bus and see if it crashes today. Later. OKAY, KABIR. The "fax" said to pick up "Gammon" starting at 11:59 pm on April First... The LAST SIXTY SECONDS of April Fool's. .. Aw, fuck it. You aren't about to tell me if it's genuine are you. You had me going until I realized what today's date was and what site I was on. If I didn't remember the infamous bus trip, I would have been at the store at midnight... gauranteed. Great story! :) Being a virgin to the whole t.d.n. April Fool's Day tradition, I got my cherry popped today and must say it hurt a little. Got pretty damn excited at the thought of a new live Tool CD, considering how amazing Salival was. You set that one up very nicely, goddamn you. The title was especially a nice touch for all those that figured it out. Good one man, I bet there are going to be a lot of pissed of people at midnight tonight... Your prank was so good I WANTED to believe it. You made me start looking foward to a new tool album after I had already tried very had to repress that wanting after lateralus and needing to hear some more ;-). Nice name for the EP btw, if you added it to the album info/update on the top of the page it only would have made me want to dare to go to the store even more, As much of a joke as I knew it was, how could I still resist trying? Just maybe? I know its April fools day and all, but please tell me the Gammon EP is not a joke. It would be like getting blue balls. great april fools joke... do you have any idea how many people you will have running to the store at midnight for their new tool cds? every year they get better and better. hahahahahaha You just don't skip a year, do you. April Fool's day rears it's ugly head again. You had me for about 5 seconds this year. It was good, but not as good as last year's "Danny left the band" joke. Good one though. YOU MOFO' !!!!!!!!! You got me for about 45 seconds...I had just lit a cigarette so I couldn't leave my barracks room to tell a friend....that ciggy saved me a bit of embarassment. Better than last years, which almost made me cry, this one is a good one.....of coarse I am still going to the store tomorrow, just to make sure.....damn you So I'm checkin' out this site today (4.01.02), and I go to the news section. "What?" I think to myself. "A *live* EP! YES!" So I grab the phone book and call Sam Goody. "I'm sorry, sir, we don't have any information on an upcoming Tool release." "OK," I think. "Must just be that Sam Goody sucks. I'll check out Amazon." I browse through Amazon.com for a few minutes, trying to find this mysterious live EP. Nope, nothing at Amazon. Or CDnow. Or on the Sam Goody or FYE websites. "Hmm...how strange. I guess they were keeping it *too* good of a secret." Next, I go to eBay. "Surely someone'll have it on eBay." It's not that I wanted to buy it there; I simply wanted confirmation that it existed. Nope, nothing there either. "What the hell is going on?" I ponder to myself. I sit in my chair, thinking of what this could possibly all mean. Then, all of a sudden, it hits me like the proverbial ton of bricks/tidal wave/Mack truck: It's April Fool's Day! "Wow...I hate Kabir." our dear friend and trusted information source, how wrong it would be of you to play with our emotions. have the true fans of tool not suffered enough of the waiting for new material, filtering through seas of misinformation, and past april fools hoaxes...? oh, nevermind. i hope you get a kick out of all the people showing up at record stores tonight. and i guess that really works out considering new cd's do come in at midnight. nicely crafted, but perhaps you went a smidge overboard with the whole "$3.99" special. Hilarious. Good job yet again. Unfortunately, you didn't get me, because I've been reading the site too long to believe anything you say on April 1st. ;) Nice try, but some of us do own dictionarys! Will you be sitting in a car laughing your ass off at the chums who will actually attend the midnight opening of the "new EP"? I would. Nice April Fool's Joke this year, Kabir. Didn't see it coming. It took me two calls to Sam Goody and Scotti's to realize what you pulled. First time you've ever got me. You forgot to mention that Gammon is also available in a limited edition signed dvd combo 24 karat gold boxed set digipack with the long awaited Tapeworm release. I almost fucking believed that. Im glad I realized before I called my friends...Wait let me call them anyway. If I hadn't heard about your previous april fools jokes, I would be at the record store tonight. I went to toolshed.down.net a few minutes ago. I saw it had been updated. So, naturally, I checked "news." I read. what i had read clicked. I went "new EP? HOLY CRAP!" and I almost wet myself because I am, after all, a rabid, drooling, remove-various-articles-of-clothing-and-body-parts-if-one-of-the-band-members-comes-within-grabbing-distance Tool fan. I called a friend of mine and left a jubiliant message on her machine. I must give it to you.. I read this at 10:30 PM and found myself ready to get into the friggin car... but then I remembered you've gotten me for YEARS with this crap. Like Tool could EVER keep secret an EP for months ahead of time and it just HAPPENS to be announced on April Fool's Day. Everyone I've known past the 4th grade gave this holiday up but atleast when you do it, you do it well.. god knows I can recall the hours I spent on Napster 2 years ago looking for new songs.. or the bus incident... You had me for like 2 minutes... nice site even if you do fuck with us you got me last year with the 'danny left the band' joke, but i was expecting it this time around. there's people going nuts over on audiogalaxy trying to figure out which songs are going to be released on the 'new' live album... I can just see people lining up at virgin records to get their $3.99 T00L CD. You Rock... Sorry, Kabir, but even though it brought a smile to my face, I don't think you're trying anymore. dude, very funny. For a moment I was imagining listening to the live version of triad with tricky on vocals then I realized that I was the april fool. dammit. You did it again Kabir -- What's so great about it is that you think I'd have learned by now. I read about two lines in and was so excited, I stopped reading the rest and called my wife to share such a happy event. Well it was about two minutes later that I had to call her back to let her know that I was duped again. She got such a kick out of it - one minute I was like a pig in shit, the next minute like a little kid who dropped his ice cream cone! The line that gave it away for me was: "It is so like Tool to go and do something like this right as soon as a new month starts, isn't it?"
(I don't recall getting so many "is this a prank?" / unsure emails
in years past, so I've included those here separately.)
You son of a bitch... I got all excited about going to Tower Records tonight and told at least 10 people. Then on my 11th call the person said.."11:59 on April 1st, hmm, that's probably just some April Fools Joke." So I thought about it and realized they were probably correct. So I called all of my friends back and dissapointed them. That was a damn good prank. And if it wasn't then i'll be pissed off. What the hell I live a block away. I might as well walk down there at 12. Thanks for a good prank. Hey Kabir, I love your site first of all. This might sound a little (lot) naive, but PLEASE tell me that the whole Gammon thing wasn't just an April Fools prank. While I'm sure I'll find out the answer to this before I get a reply, it really made my day to read that (and start anticipating it), and so it would suck quite a bit if it weren't true. :) It all looks completely legit, don't get me wrong; but it IS April 1st. :) Dear Kabir - I know it's April Fools and all, and as such, almost impossible to believe that Tool kept a new live album a secret. But I just can't help but wonder whether or not this is true. You can tell me, I won't tell any one ;) Thanks!! nice april fools joke, you must have millions of people looking and bothering the hell out of tower and virgin records. by the way , i am in mexico so i may be wrong, if i am can you please let me in on how i can get a gammon Are you sure this new EP release isn't this years April fool joke? I just got off the phone with Tower Records and they have not heard nor do they know about any new EP from Tool. Is this supposed to be like an April fools joke or something - if so, its not a very good one. haha good one i remember what happened last year i believed that bullshit, you really did get me though until i realised it was april fools and what a stupid, stupid name gammon is for a live ep. nice try. but....... if there really is a new tool ep i apologise for wasting your time. you have designed an excellent site too btw, very informative (like you didnt already know). I live in Lincoln, NE, and I hit pretty much every music store in town and found that not one of them had heard of this album. Kinda sucked that it was all probably a joke, but i figured that it probably would be. Couldn't keep me from trying though. i still dont know if gammon is real or not, after i read the news that there was a new tool ep and the thing about it being for 3.99 i called up my tower records and asked them about it, and now that i think about it the lady was completely lost when i asked her if they were doing the "promotional hour", all she told me was that they only stay open till 12, so i didnt go. but until i read the april fools thing today, i have been planning on picking up the cd, so now i do not know..... just thought i'd let you know that if gammon turns out to be fake, then you really got me, good job, I hope you're not pulling an April fools prank on us like you did last year with the whole, "Danny Carey leaves Tool" bullshit. That would not be cool in the least. Are you sure the EP comes out tomorrow and isn't part of the annual April fools joke. I talked to my friend at a local record store and he said they have already received everything that was going to be released tomorrow. Guess what No TOOL!!! Oh well, Just wondering.
3. Trips to the Store
(The best, saved for last.)
Kabir. I am utterly ashamed of myself for how badly you ripped me with your annual April Fools gag. I cant believe how far you led me on. I was driving around my local shopping center looking for a place to park salivating at the thought of a new TOOL ep. Then I began to try to remember exactly how the news post went again. Then it occured to me to be slightly odd that you would say they would do this at the start of a new month. Why is THAT significant I asked myself. I had forgotten it was a new month. What month is it now anyways? April. Right. So that would make today April first, or .... DAMN YOU KABIR ARRRGGHHH FUCK HELL CUSS SWEAR DAMNATION... I dont know HOW i fell for it, i went back home and read the news again and the second time round it just seemed so much more absurd. Gammon??? as in Backgammon? what the hell? And it costs fifteen bucks but a record store are gonna sell it for three or something? a 69 minute ep? and seven tracks which they played live but somehow we have NEVER heard before???? etc etc I suppose our tool addled brains will believe anything connected with a new tool release. I suppose I (and I daresay many others like me) WANTED to believe that news post so badly because it would be so awesome if it were true. You could have called the new release "stupid tool fans suck" and i bet a whole lot of people (maybe even myself) would still have gone "New tool cd, yes!!!" But then you read it again knowing it is false and all the little things which make it so damn obvious it is false really jump out at you. But man oh man oh man you got me again. I feel sick at myself for just how bad you got me. every goddamn year.... You almost got me on that one, no seriously. Good thing somebody played a joke on me already today and made me realize today was April Fools or I'm sure I'de be standing in front of tower records wondering why the hell the cd isn't out yet. when I saw the news from April 1, I had to wonder if it was all an April Fool's Day prank designed to send Tool fans running blindly to the record stores. I don't know if thats the type of thing the guy behing this site would do, but based largely on all the FAQ stuff about grains of salt and red herrings it seems like something that Tool or people associated with them might do...plus I called both Tower Record stores in Philadelphia today and they claimed to know nothing about it. I'm tempted to go to one of them tonight and see all of the suckered fans, or get my copy of the record if it's not a prank, or be suckered myself if it is. I can't decide. It all just seems a little too perfect - the secrecy, the lack of info on any other websites or in any news sources, all on April Fool's Day. I'm sort of just recording this for posterity in case I DO show up and get suckered; just though I'd throw my two cents in. Congratulations!! You got at least one poor sap here in Dallas. As the Administrative Assistant and avid Tool fan at Tower Dallas, I was forwarded a call from a guy wanting info about the EP. He said "I read about it on the bands website". I thought he was just a dumbass until I talked to our rock buyer and he said "well, it IS April 1st..." (I'm still kicking myself for not realizing it and asking the guy what the date was...) So, very nice April Fool's joke and I bet you can get away with it again next year. Because the only Tower Records for 90 miles in any direction from Michigan State University went out of business this year, I thought it might be prudent to call one of the 4 Meijer stores within 6 miles to see if they were releasing a new album at midnight by Tool. Meijer's CD handling department was being operated by a 35ish Latina woman. "Kompakt Deesk, yes? Thees what you asking?" "Um, yes, the band's name is Tool? It's, its, uh, the album Gammon?" I was real close to saying, "Will you get someone who speaks English, por favor?" Then I remembered what gammon means, and I just hung up on her. Just when i thought the April Fool's running joke couldn't get me, it did. Great timimg for this by the way, seeing as April 2nd is a Tuesday and a new music release day, not to mention all the shows that Tool has been playing. I was just about to drive down to my local Tower Records when i had the foresight to call and see what was up. Needless to say, they had no f***ing idea what I was talking about. So hats off to you for an excelent practical joke. Hope the tradition carries on for years to come. Actually, my record store did have Gammon for sale at midnight, as was promised! I couldn't pay for it though because the record store only accepted Ixers, some currency I'd never heard of. It was then I realized I was in an alternate dimension of Earth where Tool DID release Gammon, so I shoplifted it and went back through the wormhole. I don't think they have extradition treaties between alternate realities. Now if only the CD weren't square-shaped. Today is April 2, 2002 and the time is 10:10. I have just returned from my local music store (Randies M&M) to purchase the Gammon Ep. I was very excited and was thinking that this should cheer me up. Why, because my girlfriend and I have broken up after 6 months. Why? Because I donít have the same relationship with ìgodî that she has .I'm sitting here thinking, Wow none of my friends know about this and I'll be the first one to have it and itíll get my mind off of things. Well, I hopped in the car and drove the store. The streets were empty and to my surprise Randies was just about to close! So, I sped into the parking lot as to not miss the latest release from my beloved band. I walked in and said, "Are you about to close." The guy replied, "Ya, do you know what you're looking for?" I thought to my self, Wow I made it I'm going to get the new Ep. So, I told the guy I was there to buy the new Tool Ep called, ìGammon.î The rather responsive employee typed, "Gammon" into the computer. He then said that it wasnít in the computer. He asked me what the title was again and again I said, "Gammon". He couldnít find it! But I remained calm as he walked to the back. He walked out curiously flipping through some magazine. He looked at me and said, "We don't have it. I can't even find a release date for it." No! I was immensely disappointed. So I sadly drove back home to listen to the Tool records, which I have listened to an unthinkable amount of times. So my night ends with emptiness, loneliness, and no Tool new Ep called, "Gammon". My name is jimmy from sweden.I went to the store to find out if they had the gammon. The guy in the store couldn´t find anything about the relese. So I said fuck to myself some times and made a phone call to my friend somnus who was laughing. He was telling me that gammon was a april fools joke. Than i understood that I was fooled. Thanks for a good joke! I manage a music store in Utah and wasn't able to check your website to see what the joke was this year on April 1st, I've always loved your pranks. That Monday and Tuesday and had probably about 50 people come into my store asking about the new "live" TOOL CD that was being released. Now being as big a fan that I am I knew that there was no such thing and often caught myself giving these people a look like they just dropped from an alien ship. I explained to them that there was no TOOL live CD and wanted to know where they heard this shit but none of them told me. Most just said they heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend. A couple even said they heard it on the radio. You really pulled a good one this year. I just can't believe there are so many morons out there who were taken in by this. Good one, Kabir. Hehe, you almost got me re: april fools. It was about 11:40 pm on 4/1 and i checked out the page, immediately going to the news section. I read the update, and got really excited, not even considering disinformation. I grabbed my keys, shoes, etc and ran out the door, knowing that there is a tower records about 5 minutes away. Just before i got there, i realized "oh, FUCK, its april fools day!" Damnit....ive never fallen for anything like that... See what happens when ya play off of someone's desires? Actually, tis an interesting personality/psychology insight if you think about it. I typically read everything with a critical eye and question just about everything (boy, bet you havent heard that before...heh)...but i wanted to believe it badly enough and read about it just before the specified time, that i totally bought it.... Fortunately, i also had another errand to do: deposit the paycheck. So, i stopped by the atm on the way home and found out that my card had expired that day. Double fuck. You got me, twice. Good job. Just thought I'd personally thank you for your Oh-so-hilarious April fool's joke. Now, while I'm not entirely against tricking idiots into believing things that aren't true, doing it at the expense of record store employees all over the country kinda sucks. I work at one of the mentioned record stores in your little news blurb and I'd just like to thank you for increasing my quota of idiotic phone calls about to-be-released cd's exponentially... "Hey, are you guys gonna have ----- tonight?" I mean... I must hear that 100 times every Monday anyway, but today I've gotten to hear it at least 400 times today... thank you, thank you, thank you, you gigantic throbbing prat. Went to Best Buy, Wherehouse Music, and Borders (I live in wonderful Houston, the town of NO Virgin or Tower Records stores)... everyone looked at me like I was dumb when asking about the big secret "Gammon". Told all my friends. Spread the amaizing news. Then got home nice and late, only to remember it's that special time of year... April 1. Thanks for keeping it LIVELY guys. Lots of love to you motherfuckers. I'm the music buyer at the Virgin Megastore in Columbus, Ohio, and we received a few calls asking about the new Tool CD...needless to say, I was very perplexed. I checked our inventory database and couldn't find anything. I even emailed head office to try to find out what the heck was going on...I guess I fell for the April Fool's joke, too! yesterday i logged on, unexpectingly yo your site to read and found that a new ep was to be in stores today. i quickly anounced the info to my best tool buddies and we set up our venture to the store for after school today. they still have no idea that it was a joke, and i plan to see how long it takes them tofigure this out. i also contacted a local store that often has midnight release parties for cds, and got their paanties in a bind when they heard my words. but thanks for a laugh you bastard people emotionally raped to put it lightly. i live in central CT. however, i have a brother in boston, and had him go to the virgin megastore to purchase the disc at midnight. he reported that they had no idea what he was talking about. so hopeful was i that the EP had come out, i ignored the obvious and upon waking, i continued my search at various music stores locally. "no, you dont understand, it is a surprise release, it wont be on your manifest!" clerks must have been laughing at me as i walked out empty handed. you got me on the day that no one ever does. nice job. I didn't run out at night to get it, but I did go first thing in the morning. I ran to the "T" section and stared in dissapointment. I then checked the "New Release" section, still no Gammon. I then saw a lady putting CD's on the shelf near section "T", so I ran over with a big smile and once again was dissapointed. I asked her if she could see if they got a shipment, she checked the computer and told me there wasn't. I couldn't figure it out, until I looked at the date on the computer screen. The lady asked why I was laughing and I told her the story, she looked at me like I was some kind of moron. "If it were true, then why wouldn't they promote it?" she asked me. "You never know when it comes to Tool" I said. When I opened your site yesterday I was so exited about the new live tool album I decided to blow off stuying and enjoy the day in anticipation (I'm a student at Columbia in NYC). My plans were set, I was going to watch the NCAA final game, and trek over to the nearest Tower records to pick up the album. I called Tower around 8pm to see if they had the promotion running, and simply asked if they would be open at midnight, which they were. Obviously they don't just stay open until later then 10pm on a regular weeknight, right? I then serched the net for the album, where I came up with a lot of matches for Gammon and Tool (no direct matches) but nontheless, fooled my feeble ego, and was convincned. So, after not much sleep from the weekend I had to fill up on caffeine. I called many friends boasting of my knowledge of the news, and that I would have a copy before them. I'm telling you I was so psyched to see what production tricks bottrill would use, what words of wisdom Maynard would speak, what artwork they would use, and 69 minutes of live material! I roll out of my apartment around 11:45pm, walk up, passing many homeless men pissed drunk and was honestly fearing for my wallet. Got up there looking for some kind of line, went to the register and just looked at the sales man waiting for him to hand me my copy. He just looked right back at me and we looked at each other aimlessly for a good 30 seconds. I said do you have the new tool EP, in which he responded no, I just looked and it's not even in our system. This gave me reassurance because obviously someone was there right before me. I heard the soon to be closing announcement and went back to check for myself, because obviously these guys didnt know Tools secretive nature, but no sign of gammon. So around 12:15pm I decided to head to times square and pick up the copy at the virgin megastore. I hopped on the subway with all of the commuters passed out, and was on my way. This is when I started to think! Gammon, why the hell would Tool name there album Gammon, does it have some sub-meaning; do they play backgammon? This is when everything came rushing in; April 1st, 11:59, 69 minutes, gammon, they didnt tell their mothers, new month. I got off the subway before time square, and said "those motherfuckers". I was so pissed, being over tired, fearing the NYC night lerchers, stressed out from blowing off school, and most of all, no new tool material to listen to. You guys burned the shit out of me! That was so damn good! I have messages from friends laughing at me hysterically. Beautifully executed. I get to work after two weeks at home sick, I visit your very cool website hoping for something worthwhile about tour dates, vinyl Lateralus, new video, anything. I see todays entry, I shit my pants with excitement...I leave work and head to a local store, asked if they planned to release an e.p. from Tool in the morning, they said they didn't have anything in the system from Tool...I called a local record store hoping for more competence in the way of new releases...nothing. I tell them about the supposed E.P. and they are very interested and confused as to why they wouldn't know about a Tool release. They thank me for a heads up and I hang up my cheap cell phone. As I am walking to my car I realize the date and how much of a prick you really are for getting my hopes up. Ya Prick Ya!!!!!! You had me going for a good two to three hours, life was good again and I only had to wait 10 hours to get off work and get 69 minutes (that should have told me right there) of live Tool. ! What a fucking PRICK!!!! So I've accepted that Iam a consumer tool in the worst way...but you know what the bad thing is??...I won't really be able to believe there is no e.p. until tomarrow...T.D.N. kicks ass and you've done a wonderful job with it. You were on top of shit last summer when toolband didn't know shit...It really made a difference when assmaster sold out the Portland Oregon show and you reported the eugene show days before toolband...thanks for caring!!! Another nice gag. I actually got up, rolled out of bed, signed on and checked for tis years tdn april fools. Nice job. I had a friend call me and ask if I was going at midnight to pick the new ep up. Ha ha. You bastards! seriously though that was a great april fools day joke, was as giddy as a schoolgirl all day. I should have realized that if it is too good to be true, its probably not true. I drove an hour to the nearest Tower Records, and they laughed me out the door, and to boot my car alarm went off, malfunctioned and it took 20 minutes to turn off! Overall one of the saddest days of my life. Now I understand that Gammon was a joke, but is there actually any plans to put such an EP out? i called Tower, and that B employee actually said they closed at 11 but open at 12 for new releases, WTF?! Im never going there again. So I'm standing in front of Tower ALONE(shouldve known something was up) and this security guard comes up to me like what the fuck you doing. I told him about it and he just laughed and said everyone had left. Id like to be mad at you but im the fool. Just stick to this day only for the misinfo and thanks for all your hard work. so i signed on april fools day ,to see what the joke for this year was, arond 11:30 at night. i was 99 percent sure it was a joke but i didn't want to risk it and i figured it would be fun to watch and see how many other people in my area were as big a tool fan as i was. so i get there no album and they closed an 12 midnight so i sat and watched more than 20 or so cars pull up see it was closed and drive off. every once in a while someone would get out and bang on the door yelling at the store and drive off mad. so thank you once again for a wonderful april fools day. up until 11:30 pm it was one of the least eventful april fools days i can remember. so thank you for saving my april fools day.
Sure it took two weeks to post this synopsis, and sure I feel bad about that, but there are two short emails that made it worth the wait. The first is from Karl Denwalt, telling us that this prank did scratch the surface of the level of damage done by the Bus Crash ...And a fan named Richard took the prank to a whole new level ...A certain nighttime radio jockey (on z104.5 the edge in Tulsa, OK) was mentioning on the 3rd of April that gammon was beeing released. I decided to call him and break the news to him. He seemed somewhat dissapointed, but I dont think he believed me.I am beginning to think that the april fools joke was to make everyone think there was an april fools joke! well ya had me fooled man, i was waiting patiently for 2 weeks only to find out that was the joke all along!
So there you have it. And to think, it's a whole year until April starts again. Mwahahaha ...