From: Dimitrov (sdimitro@sed.psrw.com)
Subject: dec 3 review

I was so much looking forward to the December 3rd concert at Capitol 
Ballroom in DC, planning where I was going to stand, what I would do if 
Maynard stared at ME, where I would throught the first person who moshed 
into me, that sorta stuff. I didn't expect much in terms of the crowd, CB 
is notorious for its influx of kids, most of whose parents sit outside in 
the car eating pork rinds and listening to 'Little Spanish Flea.' The 
area isn't that great, either, filled with the most pungent of DCs 
toothless clientele. But Tool was going to be there, Maynard was goingto 
sing and dance and show off his tits to the masses of kids, most of whome 
were wearing Tool shirts and mouthing the lyrics to Hooker. It was going 
to be a night to remeber, more so than the first night I masturbated 
(email me for more info, pictures, transcript, and collected samples). 
Here comes fun BABY!

Ok, I like the music. Actually, I haven't listened to much else since 
October 1st. I heard from quite a few sources that they sounded great 
live, so I expected good tunes. And I got it. Maynard can hold the notes, 
and he doesn't seem to have much of a problem leaning into the songs. 
Alright, happy part over.

Hey Maynard, is it in your contract that you have to do the same thing at 
every concert? I knew eveything he did before he did it. I knew what the 
screens were going to be, I knew how he was going to be dresses (Blue in 
boxers), I knew about the weak statues on the stage, I knew he was going 
to say "This is the last song ....... on our first album," I knew about 
the huge intro to Sober. Hey, mix it up a bit, man! When you listen to 
their music and read (and understand) his lyrics, conformity is not the 
first label you give them. But that's what it was! Maynard did his "LOOK 
MA! I'M A WATER WEENIE!" dance while the rest of the band did nothing. 
No, wait, Justin turned around once. Oh, and they sure fooled me when 
they did their huddle, I was all scared that they were done. I was just 
amazed that they could stand there and do the same thing that they've 
been doing for the entire tour. Screw the fact that I paid $23 bucks for 
the ticket, screw the fact that I had to stand next to a group of 
highschool potheads with track marks on their necks. I didn't go for the 
atmosphere. I went for the performance and the music. I feel half empty. 


They sound cool, but otherwise they stink. So they're like a queef. 

- Stephen