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The Tool Page: An Article

Publication: Guitar World

Date: February, 1997

Transcribed by
Rancor (

  page: 15
 title: Tool Scandal
author: Jeff Gilbert

     The most popular member of Tool doesn't write songs, play an
instrument or, for that matter, tour with the group.  He's the tortured
puppet who, in "Sober," Tool's first video off the breakthrough album
Undertow, was responsible for making sure raw m eat flowed freely through
a metal pipeline.  The puppet thus garnered critical raves for his
portrayal of the common man set against a maelstrom of doom n' gloom
     However, in a curious move towards the mainstream, Tool have excluded
the popular clay figure from their new videos.  Guitar World spoke with
rock's original meat puppet about what it's like to be another casualty of
corporate downsizing. 

Guitar World: We understand you're bitter and angry about your former
bandmates giving you the walking papers. 

Meat: Yeah, well, how would you feel?  I was this close to making the big
time.  Now look at me-I'm doing stand-ins for the new fox television show,
Howdy Doody 1999.  I couldn't even get stunt work in Toy Story.  Goddamn
computerized puppets.  What the h ell do they know about acting? 

GW:Have you heard the new Tool album?

Meat: What a piece of overwritten crap.  All they did was take the songs
from the last album and add more guitar to them.  Hell, they didn't even
bother to change half the lyrics.  I was the one who came up with
"Stinkfist" two years ago.  It was after a date with your sister [chuckles
raspily, coughs up a wad of dark hued phlegm]. 

GW: Uh, so what are your plans for the future-joining another band, perhaps?

Meat: Whatever pays the friggin' rent.  That's the problem with being a
puppet in this business-someone's always pullin' yer strings. 

[It's real...I swear....Look for GW's address!!!]

Posted to t.d.n: 05/12/97 21:29:17