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Chat with Maynard: June 14, 1997

- chat with maynard: june 14, 1997 -

Read this first!

What a postmodern chat this was. The Palace chat made you log in as a big yellow smiley face, and sit around a square room. As you typed, your words showed up as comic "balloons", making chatting slower than ever before. Even if you watched the "log window" (an actual chat window), you could be sure that a lot of people were missing what others were saying.

The chat lasted for roughly an hour, with Maynard moving between the three rooms (only 40 people in each). Each time he moves, it is noted below with a red line so that all the discontinuity will make sense.

Worst of all, unless you had bought the software, you were assigned a number as a nickname. So, you will see people being referred to as numbers. I fixed some; I was "Guest 34", I appear on this transcript as "Kabir". Every few seconds, someone will go "Who is # xxx?" as a result.

If you're feeling adventurous, you can check out the full transcript of the chat, but I advise reading this one first.


Compiled from logs submitted by
"nobody" ( and
Assembled painstakingly by Kabir.

This version has been cleaned by Shane (, and includes only questions and direct answers. Due to the nature of the chat software, it is sometimes impossible to tell what Maynard was answering. You'll figure it out, or you can always refer back to the full version.

--------------- June 14, around 10:45PM Eastern time ---------------

MK: Hi everyone

Irene (127): !mjk is that you?
Guest 123: MK are you Maynard?
MK: Yes

MK: Hi everyone...
MK: hey

Guest 123: hey Maynard how's Devo?
MK: devo's is fine

Kabir (34): gotten car offers yet?
MK: no car offers yet....

Guest 24: Hey Maynard... lemme just ask you one thing... Justin said he has the coolest car in the band... no way... you gotta have the coolest...
MK: right now I have no car it's for sale

Irene (127): !if you're really MJK, you'll know the answer to this: where did you meet irene & shane?
MK: montreal

Guest 50: why are you early
MK: I was in the military.... we're always early

Guest 57: What are you guys doing next?
MK: eating

Irene (127): hi, MJK, it's irene. shane's over in the stage area.
MK: thanks for the scrabble

Guest 49: Maynard, who are you least looking forward to being on the same bill with at lollapalooza?
MK: you

Kabir (34): mjk, thanks for taking irene's side at scrabble
Kabir (34): ;)
MK: she needed the help

Guest 24: Maynard... do you like Primus? I had to ask Kabir that and im askin you hehe
MK: sure

Irene (127): !I kicked your ass, kabir! Fair and square!
MK: she's right

Guest 11: what is die eiron satan about maynard
Guest 123: That's a cookie recipe!
Guest 77: its not a cookie recipe, its a hash cake recipe :)
Turin: it's either a recipe for mexican wedding cookies, or hash browns
MK: russian tea cakes to be specific

[question unknown]
MK: shut up

Guest 57: What are you guys doing next?
MK: eatine
MK: eating

Guest 50: have you met trent reznor
MK: yes and he has met me...

Guest 57: What kind of ambience do you have when you write physically or mentally
MK: you'll have to be more specific

Guest 24: hey Maynard... what is the song bottom supposed to be about?????????
MK: about bottoms

Guest 43: im guessing youre being paid for this...
MK: no money for me

Turin: Maynard, could you please explain what disgustipated is about? i dont think anyone has any clue
MK: disgustipated is about life feeds on life... this is necessary

Guest 50: did you just make a video
MK: we're just finishing a video

Guest 74: Maynard>>when is tool going to come out with another record?
MK: 2001

Guest 57: What kind of music do you like that you don't play?
MK: steve martin banjo music..

Guest 43: another record?!?!?! when's the single off _this_ one coming out
MK: yesterday

Turin: even the second part? i dont under stand the ending, "now red was your colour and, of course, those little people out there were your's too." ?????
MK: ask bill the landlord

Guest 24: hey Maynard... are you actually that good at singing.. i mean, did you one day just... wha lah... start singing like that????
MK: actually... we pay rob halford to come in and do overdubs..

Kabir (34): btw, maynard, among all the rest of these, my sister says hello.
MK: hello sister

Guest 35: MK: what is your favorite song?
MK: Kashmir

Irene (127): !MJK-- we were planning on sending you shots of Teresa's ass, but we thought you'd enjoy a game instead.
MK: alright

[question unknown]
MK: yes

Guest 71: what happened to your bass player Paul, why did he leave?
MK: we tried to kill him

Guest 85: Is it true that the Honor Code at West Point was "I will not lie, cheat, and steal, or tolerate those who do"?
MK: yes

Guest 66: are you working on a new album soon MK?
MK: 2001

[question unknown]
MK: yes that's true...

[question unknown]
MK: no

[question unknown]
MK: no

Guest 50: can i come backstage at lollapalooza and meet you i live in oregon
MK: no

[question unknown]
MK: no

[question unknown]
MK: no

Guest 71: Do you believe in free-will or are we simply a reaction???????
MK: no

Guest 11: will there be a new album soon
MK: 2001

[question unknown]
MK: yes

Guest 36: no
Guest 77: MK: dont worry I got it from here... i'll answer for ya :) doh.. guest 36 just did :)
MK: ok

Guest 71: Do you believe in free-will or are we simply a reaction???????
MK: no

Guest 85: Maynard, how did you become interested in the works of Bill Hicks?
Guest 43: 85... how could you not be interested in the work of bill hicks?
MK: bill hicks is amazing... everyone should be interested in him.

Guest 57: What 's your favorite appetizer?
MK: stuffed calimari

[question unknown]
MK: yes

Guest 77: MK: how did you become in (sorry for my spelling) jijitsu .. hmm maybe that was right
MK: jujitsu

Guest 66: MK does jujitsu?
MK: brazilliam
MK: brazillian

Irene (127): !Iren says: MJK, did you get our parcel?
MK: got my parcel, thankyou

Guest 115: MK-----> Have you ever seen Bill Hicks Live?
MK: yes I've seen Bill Hicks live, and he has in turn seen us live.

Guest 57: If you were an object what would you be?
MK: something deaf

Guest 10: !Hey Maynard, my brother wanted to know if you listen to Wu-Tang.
MK: flavor of the month

Guest 93: do you still like shrooms?
MK: peyote

Guest 18: do you like devo
MK: the band... or my son

Guest 81: YOUR SON!!
MK: I like my son... duh

Guest 57: Why is the EYE such a repeating symbol in your last album art?
MK: listen to the album and figure it out.

MK: going to the stage.... back in a few

MK: hi everyone...
MK: oy!
MK: hey

Shane (124): SHANE: hi scrabble-boy.
MK: hi shane

Guest 134: maynard how many miles are on your car
MK: 150000

Guest 177: Maynard, I want your car
MK: pay

Guest 136: Maynard; if you don't mind, whats the story behind your kid, Devo?
MK: you'll have to be more specific

Guest 92: when is your next concert
MK: the 25th

Guest 196: !when did you first read lachrymology?
MK: about ten years ago.

Guest 108: maynard.. will you be working with TORI AMOS in the future?
MK: hopefully

Guest 112: Did Adam direct the vid.??
MK: yes, Adam directed the video

Guest 140: maynard .. what is the next film clip going to be seeing there is a message on the larrakin website ???
MK: Aenima
MK: Aenema

Guest 133: Maynard what do u think of the concert in canada where we are all assigned to seats to watch your concert
MK: order is good

Guest 177: Maynard, what do yyou think about bands covering your songs?
MK: with what?

Guest 136: Maynard; so what's the sound at the onset of Intolerance?
MK: it's a thing

Guest 140: maynard ... whats the story about the band yung you played with in sydney ??? did u guys know them previous to then ??
MK: young are friends of adams

Guest 134: maynard if you already said this than forget it but are you married?
MK: I'm not married

MK: no

MK: hi all
MK: hey

Guest 235: hows it goin
MK: it's goin well

Guest 199: do you have a favorite song to play live?
MK: no

Guest 222: so I want to know if you planned that thing about the segues or if it's just a coincedence...
MK: sort of....
MK: the whole album was a concidence... we didn't really record it , it just happened

Guest 199: do you really have a son named Devo?
MK: yes I have a son named DEVO

Guest 170: !what does Tool do on its time in between tour stops?
MK: we eat

[question unknown]
MK: yes

[question unknown]
MK: yes

Guest 58: speiken ze duetch??
MK: no I dont speak german

Guest 115: MK<------I have read the book Nothing in this book is true it's exactly the way things are have you read it?
MK: I recommended it

MK: I dont view him

Guest 200: Hey MJK...what books would you recommend to someone who wants to get started on reading Jungian theory?
MK: anything by Joseph Campbell

oms: what other languages do you speak??
MK: none. no other languages

MK: hey... anybody want to buy my car>?

Guest 93: make and model please?
Guest 92: What kind of car, and how much?
MK: 87 BMW 325i
MK: 3 miles

Guest 247: If you tell me what 7001 means, I'll buy all of your cars.
MK: 7001 is a misprint

Guest 243: maynard is learn to swim about the biblical floods??????
MK: no

Guest 199: When you play NYC during Lollapaloozacan you guys play 4 degrees its my favorite song
MK: Im not a jukebox

Guest 93: what do you want for it
MK: $6000

Guest 58: 500 cash?
MK: $500 cash

MK: see you, auntie

MK: kabir, sell my car

Guest 50: do you like being called maynard or james
MK: i dont like being called

Guest 19: when i send my artwork to the band will you actually see it and keep it? and if you respond please put my guest number by the response
MK: 19 yes, but I may not like it

Kabir (34): Maynard, btw, how are you planning to get that car to anyone if they actually buy it from, like, NYC
MK: cars drive, come buy it and drive it home

Guest 18: maynard what is the best offer for the car right now
MK: $7000
MK: but the person is't very nice
MK: I'll take a dollar a month...

Guest 19: i hope that you like my artwork i spent a lot of time on it and tool's music inspired it
MK: you're not a stalker are you?

Guest 171: your dumb
MK: you're dumb

MK: yes I will

Guest 259: Whats that noise at the beggining of intolerance!!!!!!
MK: a thing... a noise is a thing

Guest 221: hi Maynard, how is Devo doing?
MK: devo's doing fine how are you?

[question unknown]
MK: I think so.,

Guest 259: please answer my question
MK: what was your question?
Guest 259: what is that noise on the begining of intolerance?
MK: the noise is a thing...
MK: that's all I can tell ya

[question unknown]
MK: no

Guest 182: MK: Are you activly involed in RAINN?

Guest 221: So where are you at right now, Mr. Maynard?
MK: I'm up in the corner

Guest 206: So what about Castenada?
MK: what about him

Guest 312: Hi ya Maynard! This is Victor Canales from Nova Scotia, Canada. Would TOOL ever consider roaming down towards the East Coast of Canada sometime? You have plenty of fans here.
MK: ok

Guest 206: Is the cover of the new album related?
MK: related to who.... Rush Limbaugh?

Guest 18: What is Tools next video going to be and when can we expect it
MK: soon

Guest 77: MK: did you wanna play at ozzfest?? seeing as sabbath was there and everything...?
MK: no

Guest 123: Maynard how old is Devo?
MK: almost 2

Guest 180: MK: do you plan on releasing NO QUARTER anytime soon????
MK: no

Guest 49: hey maynard, my town is really small and close-minded. they won't let many concerts come here. I live in Bristol, VA. Would TooL ever come play here to show those conservatives a thing or two?
MK: sure

Guest 66: Mk did you dislike playing at equinox?
MK: no, I did not dislike playing at equinox

Guest 77: mk: what made you decide to play lollapalooza again.. ?
MK: tricky

Guest 210: Maynard - don't you think that eMpTyV kind of takes away from the art of the music - promoting image? I hate videos because I cannot use my own imagination the next time I hear a song...what do you th
MK: I disagree

Guest 221: oh Maynard, Tori Amos says you bake good cookies. What's your specialty?
MK: russian tea cakes

Guest 15: Did your roadie ever get that testicle???????????????
MK: yes

Guest 272: TOOL AND MANSON SHOULD TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MK: 272 should leave the room

[question unknown]
MK: I don't remember

Guest 221: err, i dunno what russian tea cakes are
MK: mexican wedding cakes, snowballs

[question unknown]
MK: I dont remember

Guest 272: MK--- whats going on with the new tool video or when is one due?
MK: soon

MK: brb....

MK: where is Shane?
Shane (124): SHANE: what's up ma belle crotte?

Guest 299: maynard..why didnt you guys tour in milwaukee for the aenima tour?????????
MK: 299 I dont drink or eat cheese

MK: I'm not a Scientologist, nor should anyone else be.

Guest 11: how old were you when you were in your first band?
MK: 27

MK: drugs think you're dumb too

Guest 150: What's the story on the CAD Fingernails tape?
MK: that was a project not a band.

Guest 143: maynard, why do you avoid minnesota like the plague?
MK: because it's not like the plauge, it is the plauge...
MK: just kidding

MK: no that's bill hicks dickwad

Guest 12.... how long have you been here>?
Guest 12: 4 hours
MK: take some courses in accounting with an eye to the future.

Guest 354: Hey Maynard: I made a present for ya.
Guest 354: its a man on his knees screaming..i made it out of bone..Ill give it to ya at the show..Ill throw it up on stage
MK: don't throw anything toward the stage
MK: you'll get thrown out...
MK: send it to the address on the album cover.
Guest 354: Maynard..Can I give it to someone to hand to ya? Maybe a guard?
MK: sure
MK: like I'm gonna carry it around for the rest of th etour in my fuckin luggage

Guest 43: hey MK, did you deny permission to publish the CAD demo cause you think its just bad, or rather to avoid explotation of it and us
MK: yes it sucks

Guest 15: Who's the "Bob Marley Wannabe Motherfucker" on Opiate??????
MK: They're silly

Guest 66: is that Henry Rollins?
MK: is what Henry Rollins?

Guest 123: Maynard are you currently writing new mayerial?
MK: no

Remy™: Maynard, are you the only famous person to chat online and type for themselves?
Remy™: You could be making history.
MK: Remy.... that's a difficult question to answer...

Guest 43: the clips they had up on the third eye digital site sounded like peter gabriel... is he an influence or was it just an unfortunate coincidence... or maybe thats why it sucks ;)
MK: Peter Gabriel's an amazing musician
MK: check out passion
MK: the soundtrack to the Last Temptation of Christ

Guest 77: MK: heh.. me and my friend were having an arguement.. i wanna hear it from you.. is it "Condemned if you" or "connected to" on H ????
MK: Connected

Guest 18: Maynard will you be coming to spokane wa next time you tour
MK: I don't know

Kabir (34): irene, stil lhere?
Irene (127): !Yeah, I listen to PASSION while i'm doing the dishes. still here kabir.
MK: still here kabir..... sell my car!

Guest 77: MK: i'm gunna have to beat his ass.. you ever heard of any guy named "ForLamp" or "perry mcgee"
MK: who the fuck is perry mgcgee

Guest 18: what are your goals as a group after lollapalooza
MK: dinner

Guest 24: Hey Maynard... does tool have a message that they are trying to send? And is it a positive message????? PLEASE anwser that =)l
MK: think for yourself

Guest 190: MK-Is free verse a choice or does it just happen to come out that way?
MK: yes

Kabir (34): kabir says - yo, fools, buy the mans' car. it's a limited edition rare rock-star-owned BMW!
MK: exactly

Guest 361: is lollapalooza a sellout tour, i.e. Metallica?
MK: they're all sell out tours geek

Guest 221: to Maynard: what's the highest note you've ever tried to sing?
MK: note q

EvilAngel©: ^ mean you did Passion from the Last Temptation of Christ soundtrack?
MK: No, Peter Gabriel did

Guest 180: Dumb Question: why did you decide to shave your head?
MK: i didn't, it fell out

Guest 12: Maynard what was the significance of the flourescent dots placed on your body during performance????????
MK: if you connect the dots it's the floorplan solomon's temple.

Guest 248: what's up with the puppet-looking things in your videos?
MK: you'll have to be more specific

Guest 123: Maynard I wish I could hug you.
MK: do you need a hug

Guest 361: should only "cool" people listen to your music?
MK: there's no such thing as cool people

Guest 18: Do you think that metallicas next Cd will be back to the old stuff
MK: forget metallica.... what about Motley Crue?

Irene (127): ^Irene will buy MJK's car for 2500 Canadian.
MK: I know she will.....

Guest 248: are the puppet-things representative of something more or are they simply to throw ppl like me off?
MK: yes

Guest 190: MK-Did you get in the band because you were yelling at the neighbors?
MK: no

Guest 355: MK--- DID Adam do some ART in Nihgtmare on elm street 3? hehehe????????????????
MK: yes

[question unknown]
MK: I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question

[question unknown]
MK: I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question

[question unknown]
MK: I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question

[question unknown]
MK: I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question

Guest 18: MK motley crue suck the only thing good about them is Tommys wife
MK: Tommy doesn't have a wife
MK: He had a dream and Disney animatronics made it reality

[question unknown]
MK: yes

Guest 309: Maynard, who is your favorite band
MK: air supply, they're going to be playing with us in Alaska

Foxymophandle: what does mjk do to relax?
MK: relax? masturbate

Guest 53: Maynard, how do you handle being the focus of so much adulation?
MK: what's adulation mean?

[question unknown]
MK: I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?

Guest 114: !Maynard do you prefer eating toddlers or babies?
MK: I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?

Guest 19: mayard do you like teens much?
MK: especially 11teens and 12teens

Guest 376: hey maynard i heard that there is aphoto of you floating around with you with a ballcap that reads "fag"? this is a serious question and not just a feeler for flames
MK: why do you want to know?

Guest 350: mk are you a violent person??
MK: no, are you?

Guest 303: MK- What made you decide you wanted to do MUSIC of all things?
MK: I haven't decided to do music

Guest 134: maynard: coke or pepsi?
MK: Fresca

Guest 150: Are bootleg CD's good or bad?
MK: bad

[question unknown]
MK: none

Guest 146: Maynard: where did you first learn about Carl G. Jung? What other thearies of his interest you?
MK: Joseph Campbell

Guest 350: is there a god? or maybe i should ask someone who would know
MK: I don't know, ask him.

Guest 136: Maynard: are you really saying "turn that shit down" in the background at 4:01 of Sober?
MK: it's not the whole story and I'm not going into it right now.

MK: The Dancing Wu Li masters

[question unknown]
MK: anything's possible

Guest 350: yellow pixies fly higher than red ones don't you think??
MK: but green are meaner...

MK: it's not my music. it's your music.

Guest 297: !!!!!When are you going to release No Quarter to the public?
MK: some day...

Guest 350: are pixies edible?
MK: pixies are edible

Guest 141: what belt are you in jujutsu?
MK: blue

Guest 376: what are your favorite cartoons?
MK: cartoons.... Fat Slags

Guest 136: Maynard: you once said that the music comes first, and that brings out the lyrics. Is this always the case?
MK: sure

MK: tascam 8 track....

Guest 19: do you care if ppl tape your concerts and trade them?
MK: i hate that... kill yourself... don't tape my shows.

[question unknown]
MK: animus is right

[question unknown]
MK: whatever

[question unknown]
MK: we're coming to Milwaukee after Lolla

Guest 353: I believe Aenima is an autobiography of your life, is there any truth to this?
MK: how can it be about my life... there's four people involved

Guest 339: Maynard, what part of Texas did you live in?
MK: I don't live in Texas
MK: I live in Texas, Montana

Guest 305: what do you consider as your insperation, what drives you???
MK: food, shelter, clothing, pussy

MK: Adam does the videos

Guest 361: so, anyway, i was asking what makes you decide which sellouts are acceptable, and which are not?
MK: the one's that are comfortable with selling. out, and what does selling out mean anyway
MK: don't answer that

Guest 332: yeah, Adam does great videos.. but do you guys think you'll put out anymore for AEnima?
MK: sure

Guest 376: did u go see the star wars special editions?
MK: yes

Guest 168: maynard, what are your motives for coming here? convinced by the manager, or for the fans?
MK: insomnia

Guest 389: When will anymore Mr.Show appearences be Scheduled????????
MK: Mr. Show... new season starting September, they're filming right now

Guest 309: MAYNARD, what are your opinions on the assigned seating at th Canada's wonderland show
MK: I dont care. I don't sit in the seats

Guest 239: are you any good at ju jitsu, maynard?
MK: fair
MK: I'm about blue belt good.

Guest 391: Maynard: Does the number one have a special significance in your life?
MK: yes

Guest 141: maynard, get a hummer. they are great in the desert
MK: thank you

Guest 352: i'm a brown belt
MK: did you buy it or earn it?
Guest 352: earn it
MK: from who?
Guest 352: jhoon rhee
MK: congrats
MK: come down to Ricksons and try out your brown belt... :)

Remy™: Ah fuck...this is trippy. I have this weird karma about 11:11.
MK: Remy , Ryan is that you
Remy™: No, I'm not Ryan.

Guest 339: Maynard are you being paid to chat with us?
MK: no I'm not being paid

Guest 361: you still have not responded to my question
MK: what was your question fuckwad

kabir/akhtar | kabir@t.d.n